


Deserving

by TheEmcee



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Canon Compliant, Complete, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Evan Hansen Deserves Happiness, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Jared Kleinman Is Bad at Feelings, Jared Kleinman Needs Love, Jared Kleinman Tries, M/M, No Smut, Not Beta Read, One Shot, Post-Canon, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:34:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26739673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheEmcee/pseuds/TheEmcee
Summary: Back from college on winter break, Jared decides to confront Evan about his bullshit. Things don't necessarily go the way he had planned.
Relationships: Evan Hansen/Jared Kleinman
Comments: 1
Kudos: 32





	Deserving

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or the fandom. I make no money off of this fiction.
> 
> A/N: I know there are plenty of stories out there where Jared confronts Evan and such, and, well, I wanted to take a crack at it. Feel free to leave a comment in the towel section down below and enjoy!

~...~

Deserving

~...~

How long had it been since the whole Connor Project thing? A year, just about, give or take a few months? Jared couldn't keep track. Actually, he could but he didn't want to. As far as he was concerned, Evan Hansen was an asshole who had used him and abandoned him like he was nothing. 

(Nevermind the fact that Jared had never been nice to him since they started high school. And that he often mocked and laughed at the anxiety ridden teen. They were family friends, not real friends. Except that wasn't true. Jared just didn't want to admit that to himself because that would mean that he actually cared for Evan and that he was more hurt than angry. That wasn't something he was going to do.)

It still made his blood boil just thinking about it. A whole damn year had passed and Jared was still pissed at Evan. He wanted to forget the guy and the whole situation but he couldn't. He couldn't move on, not yet, not until Evan apologized to him. 

(Forget that Jared also needed to apologize because he had been a dick and a lousy friend and had treated Evan poorly. That wasn't what mattered. Even though he did regret being so cruel to him.)

Jared had been consumed by his anger at Evan so much that it followed him to college. Every girl he hit on and almost scored with somehow brought his "family friend" back to the forefront of his mind. He didn't get it; none of them had looked anything like Evan, shared any of his hobbies or weird ass quirks, and none of them had been named Evan. It was frustrating and confusing and he wanted it to end. He needed to stop thinking about Evan every minute of every day. But how could he? Winter break started a few days ago and he hasn't seen hide nor hair of Evan in town. Sure, he could text him out of the blue and demand that they meet up but the blonde wouldn't agree to that.

Or would he? 

If Evan was still the same guy he had been before the Connor Project, then he'd be all over hearing from Jared. He'd probably be groveling over text before they even met up in person. Evan would apologize profusely and Jared, with ego inflated, would graciously consider accepting it for a solid five minutes before finally giving the guy his forgiveness. What could go wrong?

'Hey. We need to talk,' Jared texted Evan. 

It was late in the afternoon and, to his knowledge, Evan should be home just like him, enjoying winter break. He wasn't sure. His parents mentioned Evan briefly every once in a while but Jared never paid attention to what was being said. Any second now he'd get a reply. 

Seconds ticked by into minutes. Five minutes had passed. Then ten. And then fifteen. Jared frowned at his phone. What the fuck was going o here? Did Evan delete his number like a prick? It was possible but Evan wouldn't do that. Right? His mind refuse to calm down until he heard from the other, which he finally did after two hours. Two. Hours. Two. Fucking. HOURS!

'Sorry, I was at work,' Evan's message said. Jared didn't know he had a job. 'When and where do you want to talk?'

Jared Kleinman thought for a minute. Did he want to go over to the Hansen household for this confrontation or did he want Evan to come to him? Heidi, most likely, probably still worked a lot and wouldn't be home whereas his parents probably would be.

'Your place tomorrow. Six o'clock,' Jared replied. This time, he didn't have to wait an hour for a response. 

'Pm?' was all the message said. Jared had to actively stop his eyes from rolling.

'Obviously,' Jared sent.

'Okay. See you tomorrow,' read Evan's message.

Satisfied and confident that he'd be receiving one hell of an apology, Jared pushed Evan out of his mind and went back to his video games (he thought of the anxiety ridden teen for the rest of the night and could hardly sleep in anticipation of seeing him for the first time since graduation).

Sleep came and went throughout the night; he was too anxious (excited) to hear that apology (see Evan). Jared tossed and turned for a majority of the night, but he was wide awake when six pm rolled around. Keys in hand and whistling merrily, he left his house, got in his car, and drove the fifteen minutes to the Hansen residence. 

The lights in the living room were on and Jared smirked to himself as he parked his car. Stepping out of his car and locking it, Jared all but jogged to the front door. His heart was pounding and he felt a little nervous at the thought of seeing his former family friend for a good while. He knocked on the door and waited, rocking on the balls of his feet, before the door opened and Evan's face peered around it.

The blonde hadn't changed one bit since the last time Jared had seen him. He was still thin, a bit pale, and practically exuded nervousness and anxiety. His blonde hair still held the same curl it always had and his eyes were the same shade of green. Yeah, Evan hadn't changed one bit in the past year (he was still as beautiful as ever).

"Ja-Jared. Hey-hey, come in," Evan said in his typical meek and timid way. 

Jared stepped inside when the door was opened wider for him. Looking around the living room, he saw that absolutely nothing had changed. Everything was still in its place. 

"Do you, do you want to-to-to, um, sit down?" Evan asked him.

"Don't mind if I do," Jared said and he plopped onto the couch.

"W-would you like s-s-something to dr-drink or, uh, or eat?" Evan stammered. Jared turned and face him, his blue eyes boring into Evan's green ones.

"No. But I would like an apology," Jared told him. 

Evan, to his credit, was gracious enough to look ashamed and regretful. That pleased Jared (he hated seeing the blonde look so downtroddened). He watched the other and waited as the seconds passed by. On its own accorx, his right foot began to tap on the floor impatiently. Finally, Evan meet his gaze head on.

"I would lo-love to apologize, but I won't," he said softly. That was not what Jared had been anticipating. His eyes narrowed and he stated coolly as the other.

"What the fuck-?" Evan didn't give him the chance to finish his sentence.

"I won't apologize because I don't deserve your forgiveness," Evan explained. He looked down at his hands in his lap and he wrung them nervously together.

Jared sat there dumbfounded and slack jawed. Just when he thought Evan couldn't surprise him any further he went and pulled the rug right out from underneath him. He didn't know what the hell to say to that, and luckily Evan continued talking so he didn't have to.

"I-I-I thought about what you said and about our friendship. Er, family friendship, and you were right. About, about everything," Evan rushed out. "I didn't, I didn't, I didn't care about the Murphys. I cared only about myself and how lonely I was and that wasn't a reason to do what I did to them, to Alana, to Mom, and especially to you. Someone like me doesn't deserve forgiveness. I don't, I don't deserve anything."

Evan was starting to get choked up and he closed his eyes as he swallowed down the lump in his throat, tears flowing steadily down his cheeks. He looked completely and utterly broken. Have these thoughts been swirling about in his mind ever since he came clean? Has he told anyone about this or has he been suffering alone?

That thought greatly unsettled and upset Jared. He was quite aware that he hadn't been the greatest friend for Evan for a long time, and that getting a taste of his own medicine had left a sour taste in his mouth. But not because of how Evan had done it - well, not solely because of that - but because it forced him to realize just how poorly he had treated the blonde. And instead of admitting his own faults and mistakes, he took all of it out on Evan and blamed him for everything, including how Jared had been treating him for years prior to the Connor Project.

Now, the end result sat before him in the form of a person who's genuinely believed that they didn't deserve anything. Not happiness, not forgiveness, and not love. Nothing, Evan believed he deserved nothing and that just broke Jared's heart. All of his anger fizzled out and his guilt swelled deeply inside of him. The pain he had felt paled in comparison to the blatant despair he was seeing. 

"I'm-I'm s-s-sorry, Jared," Evan sobbed, his hands clenched on top of his knees. "I sh-shouldn't be crying in fr-front of you. Not when, not when you've been h-h-hurting for so, for so long."

Even now, more than a year after the Connor Project, Evan was still concerned for him. That made Jared feel even worse and he clenched his fists tightly to keep them from trembling. He had never wanted to cry as badly as he did right now.

"But don't, but don't w-worry. I didn't, um, I didnt tell the Murphys about your, your involvement. With the e-emails," Evan continued once he had almost pulled himself together.

That did alleviate some of the worry that had made a home within Jared. He had been constantly watching his back and looking over his shoulder for the Murphys, fully expecting them to press charges against him. In this moment though, such worries seemed trivial. Jared felt like a piece of shit right now; he hadn't expected Evan to care and even protect him after all this time. However, in actuality, he shouldn't have been surprised. If anyone had ever truly cared for him, it was Evan. Pushing the blonde teen away hadn't solved anything, hadn't killed the love he felt for him. 

Without even realizing what he was doing, Jared reached out and wrapped his arms around Evan, pulling him into a tight embrace. It was then that he noticed how small Evan was now, like he hadn't been eating properly. Granted, Evan's appetite had always been iffy, but this was different. He felt as though he could probably pick the other up with relative ease. Evan didn't return his hug and his body must have tensed when he realized that because Evan released a broken laugh.

"I don't, I don't, I'm not worthy of-of your comfort," Evan mumbled, ending in a soft sob. Jared pulled him onto his lap and nuzzled his soft, blonde hair.

"Shut the fuck up, Evan," Jared choked out. "Let me take care of you."

That seemed to be what Evan needed to hear because he all but collapsed into Jared's arms. His body shook violently as it was wracked with sobs and his tears soaked Jared's jacket, but he didn't mind. All that mattered was mending the broken boy on his arms and repairing their relationship. Jared wouldn't admit it out loud to anyone, except maybe Evan himself, but not having the other in his life had been torturous. It brought to light just how lonely Jared was as well and it made him feel guilty for the way he had treated Evan for so long.

"I'm sorry, Evan," Jared told him after a few minutes passed by. Evan moved to look up at him, obviously confused. 

"For-for what? Y-y-ou didn't do-do anything w-wrong," Evan asked. Jared shook his head.

"Oh, but I did. I treated you horribly for so long, it's no wonder that you felt you couldn't count on me as a friend," Jared explained. "If I hadn't been trying to suppress my feelings, maybe you wouldn't have felt the need to latch onto whoever have you even a second of attention."

"What, um, what f-feelings?" Evan whispered, sitting up a bit while remaining in Jared's arms.

"My feelings for you. I've always cared about you, Evan, but I didn't want to admit, not even to myself, that my feelings ran...deeper than friendship," Jared continued. "So, so deep." 

He laughed at that, unable to stop himself from making a sex joke. Evan even smiled and giggled softly and Jared's heart melted at the sound. It hadn't occurred to him until just now how much he had longed to hear it again. 

"D-deeper than fr-friendship, huh?" Evan said. His smile immediately disappeared and he looked down in shame. "I don't, I don't deserve it."

"Why don't you let me decide that, huh?" Jared asked. 

He knew he wouldn't be able to reverse the pain that had already been inflicted on Evan or change his mindset, but he wasn't going to abandon him. Not again. It wasn't going to be easy, he knew that, but Evan was worth it.

"So, how about we start over? From scratch," Jared offered hopefully. Evan looked up at him shyly and the urge to kiss him hit him hard.

"Are you, are you sure?" he asked hesitantly. "I don't, I don't want you to fe-feel like you have to."

"That's not how I feel. I want this. I want you," Jared clarified. The blush that spread on Evan's face was adorable.

"O-okay. I'd, I'd like that," Evan said. "I'd like that very much."

"Good," Jared said and he leaned in and kissed Evan's forehead. He felt that anything more would be a bit too much at the moment. And Evan looked relieved. "Are you hungry? We could order a pizza."

"Not right now. Maybe later," Evan replied.

"You just wanna cuddle on the couch for a while?" Jared offered. When Evan nodded, Jared adjusted them so that they were lying down, the blonde on top of him.

A calm, comfortable silence fell upon them. Any other issues they had could be hashed out later; for right now, all that mattered right now was simply being together. Minutes melted away and they both eventually fell asleep that way.

If Heidi saw them cuddled on the couch when she came home and took a picture at the sight, she didn't say anything to them the following day.


End file.
